A Christmas letter to myself.

Last year, just a few days before December 25th, I wrote a Christmas letter to myself. With today being the first day of December, I thought it would be fitting to share it. I know that I sure needed this reminder today.

Dear Carrie

As it is with family vacations, Christmas has its own combination of stress and wonderful-ness all wrapped up together with a bow in such a way that it's difficult to know where one ends and the other begins. Christmas is beautiful and messy.

So here you are days away from the big 25. As for this year, much has been learned the hard way and some of those lessons you have had to re-learn. Anyhow, what's done is done but for next year here are a few things to remember. I'm writing this now because by next December you'll likely have forgotten all of this.

Everyone (including yourself) is a little on edge this time of year. There's lots of pressure and tons of expectations. Keep things simple whenever possible. Less is more. That looks differently for everybody, but for you it means using paper plates when you can, get your shopping done early (by December 1st if possible) and keep the last week that the kids are in school wide open. Plan nothing that last week before Christmas and guard it with your life. Leave space on the calendar to spontaneously watch a movie or invite friends over. All of this requires time and space on your calendar so that you can ENJOY the holidays and not just survive them.

Remember that leaving things to the last minute stresses you out. Plan ahead.

In the month of December, love yourself well and take really good care of you. Consider it your gift to the people you love. Get lots of sleep. Take time to pray and be silent. Go for walks outside. Give yourself time to putter in your home and wrap gifts and make lists and decorate the house and play Christmas music. Take time to nurture the relationships that are important and life giving for you. 

Remember that it's more important to be present to your family and friends than to be perfect. Release the need to be perfect. Try not to compare yourself to others. Be you.

Words of affirmation are a gift and likely to last longer than the gifts you will distribute. Take time to let the people you love know they are loved and appreciated. Be genourous and gracious with your words.

Give lots of grace - to Steve, to the girls and to yourself. Let grace abound and flow freely. Forgive quickly and don't sweat the small stuff.

Be a teammate with Steve. Assume the best of each other and choose to go into the Christmas season as a team. Build safety and fun into your marriage. Over communicate with each other in the month of December.

Even though the kids are getting older, try not to plan too many activities in a row. Avoid late nights back to back. Set the kids up to win and not to fail. When the kids are busy and up late at night and eating extra sugar, you're setting them up for meltdowns. 

The days leading up to and surrounding Christmas and after Christmas are INTENSE. Like really intense. You're an introvert and it's a lot of gatherings all at once. Be kind and gracious to yourself. It's intense for a few days and then it's over. So gear up. Breathe deep. And remember that you're going to love the memories one day. So, keep the big picture in mind.

Oh and take lots of photos. These days go by all too quickly.

C.
xo

Auntie Muriel.

Last week, on Monday August 1, 2016, the Civic Holiday to be exact, my Auntie Muriel passed away in her 88th year.

My parents immigrated to Canada from the U.K. as young adults, met each other, got married and began a family here. We grew up without extended family around us. Although they were from different generations, an unlikely and timely friendship began between my mom and Muriel. They met working together at the Stelco Tower offices and it wasn't long until the lines between friend and family became blurred. Muriel adopted us. All five of us kids. She became our aunt. My youngest sister, Leah is even named after her (Leah Anne, because her name was Anne Muriel). She attended our family birthday dinners, family events, weddings and never missed an occasion to love on us. Not only did she love on us at Christmas and on our birthdays, we also all received Easter, Valentine's Day, and Hallowe'en cards until we were young adults. How can we ever forget those cards with the crisp brand new five dollar bill and the card signed "guess who"? I smile just thinking about them.

She attended my high school graduation and became one of my biggest cheerleaders in my life. She cheered me on in a quiet and yet powerful way. In such a way that I knew she believed in me and was proud of me.

Lots of memories and thoughts come to mind as I think about Auntie Muriel. The one that rises above the rest is that she was a fashion icon to me.

My mom, bless her heart, spent every spare bit of money on us kids and rarely splurged anything for herself, especially items of fashion. She never really wore make up or made fashion a priority. She was a hippie at heart and her life was all about minimalism and simplicity.

Auntie Muriel was pretty much the polar opposite. She bought me my first pair of jeans (Levi's of course). I was about 8 and I remember the black and white full page advertisement in the Hamilton Spectator which was where I had first seen the Levi's. Then one time when I was around 10, my mom, who never had her ears pierced a day in her life, called Auntie Muriel in an utter and complete panic to help me when my newly pierced ears became infected. Oh the drama! She rushed over with her bag of tricks (which looking back I'm pretty sure was just rubbing alcohol and cotton balls) and I'll never forget her words - "Carrie, sometimes it hurts to be beautiful." Somehow just by her saying that, I was given the permission to allow myself to feel beautiful and important. As an impressionable 10 year old girl, I stood a little taller and shone a little brighter that day.

Her hair was always done just so and she never left home without her bright red lipstick on - lipstick which left its mark on your cheek when you embraced. There were many Sundays where my siblings and I walked around church with a red kiss imprinted on our cheeks.

She worked in a jewelry store and a bought me lovely gold jewelry through the years  (each piece was full of thought and meaning) and freshwater pearls (that I still wear to this day).

As I became a teenager, she always bought me something fashionable and on the cutting edge for Christmas and birthdays.

Maybe she sensed that I loved fashion. I'm not sure -  but whatever it was, she called forth in me something that I didn't know was there at the time. Am I ever glad she did. Something about her gave me permission to love and lean into all things fashionable and feminine.

She introduced me to Vogue magazine and passed on her magazines to me when she was finished reading them. I'll never forget how as a young girl, I studied those crisp pages and tried on all of the sample perfumes that she had graciously left unopened and untouched. She opened a whole new world to me.

I love wearing lipstick and think of her when I put it on.

Auntie Muriel made me feel special. I'm forever grateful. She made lots of people feel that way. She just did. She took such an interest in people. Isn't that lovely message to leave as a legacy?

She passed away gracefully and peacefully in her sleep as only she could. As I think about honouring her, I'm going to purchase a Vogue magazine but I think I'll put some lipstick on first. More importantly, I'm on the lookout for someone that I can take an interest in and make them feel special. xo

Front porch people.

We build a house last year and we had so much fun designing it. The cool thing was that we had been married at that time for almost 18 years and had lived in two very different houses. By that time, we knew what we valued and what our family needed. Large bedrooms? Nope. Tons of square footage? Nope. Covered front porch. Yep. 100 %.

We knew instinctively that we are at our core front porch people. Steve and I kept saying throughout the building process, "yep, we're front porch people"

During the craziness of the build, the vision of the front porch kept us focused and mindful of who we wanted to be.

These days, Steve and I are at our best when we're drinking tea, reading, unhurried, chilling out and watching the world go by on our porch. It's reminiscent of who we are when we are camping or on vacation. Porch sitting is our way of connecting. It's our way of relaxing. It's our way of breathing deep.

This summer I have loved I starting and ending my days on our porch. There's something about it the porch that draws me to start and end by days there.

I value and adore rituals. In the darkest days of this past winter, I started my mornings with a ritual - as I packed and brewed my stovetop expresso maker, I would pause and light a candle - lighting the candle in the quiet morning darkness of my kitchen was my simple way of pausing and giving God my yes for that day. Yes to his love and his grace. Yes to his goodness. Yes to his plans for me. It was a ritual that calmed me and centered me. Our front porch has been no different - coffee on the porch in the morning while the kids are sleeping calms me, slows me down and centers me. It reminds me that I'm loved and frees me up to live a life grounded in that love.

Do you have any rituals? A space or a practice that slows you down and centers you?

My season of life is such that I have a nine year old at home and so as much as I love meeting friends for coffee, in the summer it just doesn't work for me. The years are fleeting and I want to be home with Beth as much as possible. This summer, it's been much easier for me to invite a friend to my front porch for coffee rather than meet up with them at a coffee shop. Maybe it's the whimsical rocking chairs that I picked up at the side of the road for free (the ones my Dad sanded and painted poppy red for me) or maybe it's the shelter from the heat of the summer sun - I'm not sure what it is - but there is something about my porch and the intentionality of it all that has created a sacred space where I have had some of the dearest heart-to-heart chats this summer with friends (often involving tears)-  that I'm so glad I didn't miss out on. I'm glad we created the space both literally and figuratively.

I have loved the family time, the friend time, the couple time and the quiet time. I've loved the kind of intentional and spontaneous conversations that the front porch allows and fosters. 

Ultimately, it's not really the porch. In my case, it just happens that the porch has been a way of slowing me down and connecting my heart to what matters most.

What is it for you? What slows you down in the summer months? What centers you and connects you to your true self, to your best self?

First day of summer vacation.

As I write this, I am washing the girls backpacks and school lunch bags (no lunches to make for two months!) and putting them away all clean for September. BEST FEELING EVER.

Because Grace will be away over her birthday in July, we celebrated it last night.

Then early this morning, Grace headed up to camp for the summer and getting her out the door meant a week of packing and preparing that was no small task. I am so thrilled for her and for the opportunity that she has to be a Leader In Training this summer. Watching her has taken me back in time to my summers at Ryerson camp on the sandy shores of Lake Erie. Although it was only two months away from home each summer, those days and weeks felt like an eternity. The independence felt exhilarating and freeing. Those summers were such a safe place for me to flex muscles of independence and leadership. It was a coming of age season for me. A place where my faith became rooted and developed wings all at the same time. As the Celtics say, it was a thin place for me - a place where heaven and earth met. Those summers formed me and who I became and am becoming in ways that are hard to put into words. As I have been reflecting on all of that, it feels amazing to launch Grace and let her fly. She is so ready.

I also know more than ever that these years go by all too quickly. This is the first summer that Eva is working and much of the time it will be Beth and I hanging out as buddies, reminiscent of her preschool days while the older girls were at school. With Grace being away all summer and Eva working, I know instinctively and for a fact that these summers will fly by for Beth. In just six summers, she'll be working and the carefree days of summer will be behind her. The days of summer are in many ways the days that made up my childhood memories and what will create the memory pool for my girls to reminisce back on. I'd be lying if I said that these days don't matter. They have massive significance. 

Beth and I have created our yearly summer bucket list which includes activities like biking along the parkway, watching sunsets, writing letters, catching fireflies, picnics, riding the carousel and going to the drive-in. 

This time last year we had sold our house, we were living in a rental and we were building our current house. We were living in utter chaos, feeling unsettled and our lives pretty much revolved around building our house. We hardly saw Steve at all - he spent every spare minute at the house. We would meet him there after he had finished work and bring him his dinner and then he would stay and work there until bedtime. It was super hard on the girls. 

This summer feels VERY different for us. Sure, there are new and different challenges that didn't exist last summer but that's the way life is. 

We are feeling thrilled to BE in the house we spent time planning and building. It feels amazing to have a summer that is loosely structured and slow paced. This summer feels drastically different from last one and It's a gift.

The thing is, I'm a bit out of sorts today - I'm hardly knowing what to do with myself. So many feelings. June has been a tough and tiring month on many levels. Big transitions happening this very day. I'm not going to analyze it too much. I'm easing into summer is all. I guess I'm taking the time I need to unwind and catch my breath.

Every bone in my body and fibre in my being is looking forward to the unhurried days of this summer and the space for creativity, simplicity and reflection. 

Sure I'm still working here and there and have to-do lists and such, but as a whole I'm trading in my shoes for my birks and flip flops. The hair dryer is being tucked away. Summer means pony tails and messy hair. It means starting and ending my day on the front porch. Summer means ice cream and fresh local fruit, no alarm clocks and room for spontaneity. Let's do this! Bring on summer;)

Every season is a gift and every summer begs to be embraced. What will you do with your one wild and precious life this summer?

A letter to the younger verse of myself.

In many ways, June reminds me of the month of December. I always underestimate how busy December is going to be and I often pack way more into it than I should. My friend Alison recently said that her goal for the month of June is to "add nothing new to her calendar". She inspired me and I have recently adopted her goal as my own! It's easier said than done, but margin is of utmost value to me this month and I am trying to slow down and not join the crazy train.

June is the month of year end school trips and pool parties and final report cards and .....graduation -from grade 8, high school or post secondary.

Everyone told me that high school would go by so quickly. A blink and then it's over. Funny, when I think back to being in high school, it didn't feel so much like a blink. 

Next June, Grace graduates from high school and just the thought of it makes me emotional and weepy and reflective. How did the time go by so quickly? Wasn't her grade 8 graduation just last week? How can it be that the little girl who wouldn't leave my side as a toddler is now driving a car? Have I taught her all of the life lessons that she needs to know? 

This same daughter just got her licence this month. Whoa.

If I could go back in time to my high school graduation, there are a few things I would want to tell my younger self. Things like this:

Education is never ever a waste of time and yet you might want to think about what that Arts degree in History will actually do for you. 

Friendships are so important. Take your time and find your people. Choose friends who are safe and trustworthy (life lesson: if they talk about others, they'll talk about you). Find friends who sharpen you and cheer you on. Friends you can be yourself with.

Develop good self care habits. It's an important part of loving yourself well. I know that right now you think self care is selfish but it's not. Get enough sleep, develop a good skin care regime and invest in quality skin care products, wear sunscreen, drink lots of water and wear clothes and colours that you love and feel beautiful in. Your 43 year old self will one day thank you.

You'll make mistakes and that's okay. It just means that you're human. Every day is a fresh start. Don't be too hard on yourself. We grow from failure and it's okay to make mistakes. Don't spend your life trying to avoid making them - you'll miss out on so much. Learn from mistakes and move on. 

Wear a bikini while you're young. You look fantastic. Ignore and silence that inner critical voice inside of you which would tell you otherwise. 

Travel whenever possible. Be teachable. Live with a posture of curiosity. I hate to break it to you, but you don't know everything - not even close. There is so much you don't know yet. Learn from different cultures and be curious about life and about the world. The world is so much bigger and more diverse and amazing than you could ever imagine. Read as much as you can get your hands on.

Let love and not fear be the foundation and the driving force of your life. Fear is a liar anyways.

Avoid the word "should".

You're responsible for you and not for the whole world. Just relax because God is God and you're not. 

Resist molds. You don't need to be copying anyone. The sooner you realize that the world needs you the better. Find your path and be true to you.  

Don't panic, but your beliefs and opinions and even your theology will change and morph and evolve over time and that's a really good thing. It means that you're alive and that you're growing up.

Honour your gut - if you're in a situation or a conversation that feels uncomfortable, get out right away. Your intuition is a gift straight from heaven. Honour it and develop it. Never downplay it.

Don't apologize for your sensitivity. It's what makes you special. The world needs your sensitivity.

Don't play small. Shine bright.

Learn to ask for help (and receive it - so hard, right?) and admit when you are struggling and when you fail. All of it is a sign of strength and not weakness. Don't be a slave to image. Everyone else looks like they have it all together but guess what, they totally don't! You don't know this yet but vulnerability is strength. 

Don't throw out those leg warmers, all those 80's records and denims overalls - they will come back in style one day and you'll be kicking yourself for not having them.

Stay away from people that are extreme in their theology and view of women. Fortunately you never married any of them. Extremism is never a good thing.

When that cute, lanky, tall, dark-haired boy with the baseball cap offers you a ride home from camp training, don't act like such a know it all and give him the cold shoulder. You don't know this yet, but the two of you are going to build the most meaningful life together. His journey and your journey will mesh in some pretty crazy divine ways in the years to come. He will teach you so much and bring out the very best in you. Some of your friends will be so shocked when you become a couple. Little do they know that God was working in his life long before he met you.

Read the bible and go to church and of course youth group, but mostly just learn to let God love you and rest in that love without striving - you don't have to earn His love or prove yourself - just rest in it. Rest deeply. Grow those roots deep, you're going to need them in the future when life feels shaky.

Embrace diversity. Spend time with people who are different from you and believe different things than you do. It will deepen your convictions and teach you empathy and it will enlarge your worldview and perspective. Get out of that bubble and try not to see people that are different from you as a threat. They're a gift.

Embrace your femininity. Don't apologize because you are a girl and because you love fashion and lipstick and heels and such. At the same time, develop your voice. The world needs it.

Say no to lots so that you can say yes to what matters the most to you.

Also - stop being so serious and responsible - have fun!

Recources:

Have any of you heard the song that Tim McGraw wrote for his daughter as she went off to college? Oh my. Have your Kleenex ready. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clcNB_EUao8

And on that topic, If you're looking for a gift for a graduate in your life, I so appreciated and loved this post by Sarah http://sarahbessey.com/books-for-graduates/

Here's what we know to be true after nineteen years...

On Tuesday, Steve and I celebrated 19 years of marriage. Whoa!

Could my hair be any bigger in this photo (please don't answer that question!)?

As I think about marriage and all of the grit that it requires combined with the demands of life and not to mention the complexity of our humanity, there are a couple of keys that have stood out to Steve and I over the years. By no means is this an exhaustive list. It's just simply what's true for Steve. After many ups and downs and lessons learned the hard way and so on, here's what we know to be true:

1. Every day is fresh. Every day you can begin again. Mercies are fresh every morning. Marriages are build day-by-day. When things are hard, take it one step and one day at a time. When we mess up or find ourselves in an abyss, Steve and I use the language, "let's begin again" or "can we begin again?" The answer is always yes.

2. Passion is important but guess what? - so is grit. Grit means hanging in there. Grit means embracing hard work and having tough, honest, uncomfortable conversations and entering into the messy. So much growth and transformation can take place in a marriage and it requires grit. Our experience has been that the more we work through challenges and disappointments and forgiveness and obstacles, the closer we become. This kind has brought Steve and I to a place of intimacy that we knew nothing about 19 years ago.

3. Surround yourself with people who are deeply invested in their marriages and who are cheering you on in your marriage. You need safe and trustworthy individual friends and couple friends. We become like the people we hang out with so hang out with people that you want to emulate. We are the sum of the people we surround ourselves so choose well. The quote that reads "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future" is true in life and equally true in marriage. 

4. When there are gaps, give generous assumptions. Build a default of assuming the best of each other. This is a memory muscle that I had to develop (and if I'm honest, I'm still developing). It's a game changer. Swim in grace. 

5. Be each other's biggest cheerleader. Be in your spouses corner. Make sure your spouse overhears you bragging about them.

6. Flirt with your spouse. Often. It fans the flames and helps you feel connected and young. Laugh often. Have inside jokes. Send lots of texts and bitmojis. I love having special language that just the two of us use - for example I love it when Steve calls me "baby".

7. Don't back your spouse into a corner. Avoid accusations. Set each other up to win and not fail. Enter into conversations with holy curiosity. Help me understand your point of view? If a conversation becomes contemptuous, take a break and walk away immediately. Words have power and last longer than you think and you want to avoid regret when it comes to words. It's always more important to be kind than it is to be right. Choose the relationship and the person over winning an argument. Apologize often. Own your stuff.

8. Create a sense of "home" together. Rootedness, belonging, safety, unconditional love and  forgiveness. HOME. Build a foundation of love and leave a legacy for those in your wake.

9. Sex is amazing and magical AND it gets better over time. Who knew? I had no idea...

To sum it all up: Write your love story together, make memories, be a team and create rhythms that are just yours. 

What have I missed?

Here's to the next 19 years!

Love and limits.

It's Mother's Day weeknend and of course that stirs up all kinds of feelings and emotions and expectations and disappointments and such. It's like navigating your way through a field of emotional land mines in a way, isn't it?

At this very minute, Grace is with a friend and Steve took the other two girls out for a couple of hours to run some errands. I am alone in my house on Saturday afternoon and it just hit me that this is best Mother's Day gift ever (if you are a husband, take note). 

I'm about to sing the hallelujah chorus and then have a nap (BECAUSE MY HOUSE IS SO QUIET ON A SATURDAY AND I'M ALL ALONE), but before I do that some thoughts came to mind.

If you have kids or know kids, then you appreciate that kids need both love and limits. Unconditional love and limits as to what they can and can't get away with. All throughout the ages and stages of parenting this has been true for us. It's always changing and it's always a delicate balance - a walking of a tightrope of sorts. Love and limits. Sometime more love is required and lavishly given and sometimes we're heavier on the limits. Two sides of the same coin of parenting. A delicate dance.

As of late I've been bone-weary tired and feeling burnt out. I've had a lot on my plate and I'm feeling it. It occurred to me this week that I need both love and limits as well. I need to love myself well and out of that love, set some limits. It's different for all of us, but loving myself and honouring my limitations means getting enough sleep, saying no when I can't do something well, asking for help (this is huge), taking time for myself, eating well, exercising and admitting that I'm tired and weary and need to refuel and up my self care. 

If you're a mom, an aunt, a teacher, a mentor or a grandma then this is your weekend.  If you're someone who spends your life pouring it out on behalf of kids then this weekend is for you. May you have permission to care well for yourself. May you be recharged and refuelled. May you drink your tea while it is hot and have a nap and read a few page of your favourite book. May you wear your favourite outfit and write out your best quote and light a candle. May you smell the cherry blossoms and notice a tulip or two and laugh out loud at a child or even at yourself. May you create space this weekend or this week to do something that refuels you. May you love yourself well this weekend. 

May you put yourself to bed early, ask for the help you need and in this season may you give yourself the limits that you need in the name of love. You are worth it and so am I.

Loving yourself is not a selfish act. It's the opposite. It sets you up to love others and to receive love. Self care is a gift you give the world. - Parker Palmer

Happy Mothers Day!

P.s. As an aside, it serves my kids well when they see me caring for myself and honouring my limits :)

Messy trunk.

I'm pretty radical about eliminating clutter. I find it super therapeutic. My family is often frustrated with me for throwing out things that they wanted to keep or for putting away their cups and mugs while they're still drinking from them.

These days I find that so much can happen in the course of a week. In just seven days, much can change. 

On Monday of last week, I found out that the engine on my car was doomed. By Wednesday evening we had picked out another vehicle and on Thursday my car just plain stopped running and had to be towed away.

Steve and our friend Chris woke up early on the morning of Good Friday and using a truck and trailer moved my vehicle from the parking lot to the car dealership. No small task, right? On the day my car broke down, I was living with the assumption that I had the long weekend to clean out my car. Seemed reasonable. What I didn't realize is that Steve and Chris would now have this task as they took the vehicle to the dealership on Friday morning. That was the last time they would see the car. In real time, what that meant was that they would spend a not insignificant amount of time cleaning the junk out of my car and out of my trunk. Last spring, I had placed bags of stuff from our house move into my trunk and had yet to remove them. Turns out my trunk is pretty big. And deep. Did I mention that we have been in our new house for quite some time now? Yikes. Embarrassing to say the least. I can only imagine that the last thing Steve and Chris wanted to be doing on the early morning hours of Good Friday is clean out my boots that needed a new zipper, picture frames, kids artwork, things that needed to be returned to Home Depot, journals, old letters (which included an acceptance letter to Brock University from 20 plus years ago....what the?). If that wasn't bad enough, they hadn't come prepared for such a task. They thought they were moving a vehicle and not a lifetime of stuff, which meant they had no boxes or garbage bags. They were throwing everything in whatever bag they could find only to discover once the trunk was cleaned out that the car keys had fallen into one of the makeshift bags which meant that everything had to be taken out and bags had to be taken apart in order for the keys to be found.

When Steve came home and shared with me this story, I got a lump in my throat and felt my eyes sting. I surprised even myself as I was overcome with shame and began to sob. I'm not entirely sure why but I felt so terrible and embarrassed.

My confession is that I'm a minimalist when it comes to many things and an absolute hoarder when it comes to my car. 

I like simplicity and spaciousness and pride myself on purging and eliminating clutter and yet and all these values fly out the window the second it comes to my vehicle.

I'm the kind of person who likes to appear on the outside like I'm doing okay and yet I have a car full of junk. Junk that I don't want anyone to see. On that Good Friday morning I felt exposed for who I really was.

The message of Good Friday is that the shame and the need to hide is taken care of at the cross of Jesus. It is finished. And the message of Easter Sunday is all grace. Grace triumphs and we can live as loved children in freedom and newness of life and without shame. Easter reminds us that God makes all things new. 

All things new.

It was not at all lost on me that my dead car was towed away on good Friday and that I picked up my new (to me) car on Easter Monday. 

This car to me is a fresh start. Literally and spiritually.

On that Friday morning I made the choice to bury shame and perfectionism and hiding to make room for new life to be born in me. In order for new life to grow, stuff needs to die. I needed to let go of the literal junk and the shame of being a car hoarder. I needed to surrender to love and grace.

This car is to me a gift and a symbol of a fresh start. Letting go of the old car and the trunk full of junk makes room for new experiences and a sense of spaciousness and living a little bit lighter and less weighed down.

The new car is invitation to walk (or drive - haha)  in freedom and grace.

Hers all the stuff that was in my old trunk and now on the floor of my garage waiting to be sorted out:

Here is my new car and my clean trunk:

Yay for new beginnings! So far my car is spotless and I'm hoping to keep it that way ;)

Favourite things. February edition. In photos.

Looking back on February, in no particular order, a few favourites came to mind:

1. Snow camp with my family on Family Day weekend. So much snow and sunshine and family time. Camp Crossroads in Muskoka is a magical place for us.

2. Fresh tulips spontaneously dropped off by a friend. Just because. Made my day and my month, really. 

3. Podcasts.

These days I am all about podcasts. They have become a weekly highlight for me. I literally wait for them on the days they are to be released! Two of my favourites right now are:

Serial, of course. I could go on and on about Serial. Season two is so interesting and I could listen to Sarah Koenig for hours. I just love her voice. Plus she's brilliant and captivating and I feel smarter and sharper just by listening to her. The storytelling in season two creative and fascinating. It's a true story told week by week (actually bi-weekly now). New episodes come out every second Thursday.

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/serial/id917918570?mt=2

Secondly, I am loving the Practice Podcast. It's all about learning the unforced rhythms of grace through contemplation and ancient spiritual practices. The journey through lent (specifically talking about lament) has been nothing short of transformative. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. I can't say enough about this podcast. LOVE. I look forward to new episodes coming out every Tuesday.

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-practice-podcast/id983368875?mt=2

4. Syrian friends.

I wish I had a photo to go with this one. Unfortunately, I don't (yet). Our sponsor family is here from Syria and they are a gift. Just wow. 

5. My nephew, Simon arrived this month and he is pure delight. We are smitten. Plus, his big brother Jack is so funny and reminds me of my sister (his mom) at his age times a million. 

6. Right now, Steve and I have one show that's "our show" and it's called Nashville. Admittedly, it's a bit edgy - but we love country music and the story line has won us over.  If you watch the show Nashville then you can grasp the truth that meeting Deacon, hearing Deacon perform in concert and hugging Deacon was a massive bright spot in my month. My face still hurts from smiling so much. Oh and his name is actually Charles Eston. 

7. Buses were cancelled on the Tuesday after the Family Day weekend and we had a snow day! Sweet!

8. Vision talk. 

Vision day happens twice a year (September and February) at my church and each time it is a total highlight. I've never been prouder to be a leader and a participant in my church community than I am right now. We are on a beautiful and stretching "love beyond belief" journey. So much clarity and momentum wrapped up in this message by my friend Jeff Lockyer.

https://www.facebook.com/southridge/posts/10153960881154776

9. Hello goodbye.

My friend Becky introduced me to this show on CBC. It takes place at the Pearson International Airport. It airs on Friday nights at 8:30 p.m. or you can watch it anytime online (like I do). I've always adored airports. I love people watching at the airport in a way like no other. When I'm travelling, I often find myself wrapped up in the stories of people that I meet. I can't even stop myself from finding out people's life stories. Something about the airport and being on a plane compels me. This show reminds me that everyone has a story and that some of our most meaningful, most emotional and most excruciating moments take place at airports. I love this show and am basically kicking myself that I didn't think of creating it - ha. Have your Kleenex close by! 

10. Mars Bar Squares.

I love Mars bars and have basically waiting my whole life for a dessert that called for 4 actual Mars bars in the recipe. Here it is. It's divine, decant, easy to make and worth waiting for. It takes minutes to make and your people will thank you.

Mars bar squares:

4 Mars bars

1/2 cup butter

Melt for approximately 2 minutes.

Add 3 cups of Rice Krispies.

Mix in 9x9 pan.

Melt 1/4 cup butter with 1 cup of chocolate chips for approximately 2 minutes.

Stir and spread on top.

Enjoy!

11. My husband has been working around the clock to complete our basement project which includes a family room, bathroom and two bedrooms. We (well mostly he) are in the home stretch. It never ceases to amazes me what he can do.

Well, that's a wrap! My life feels exhausting, gritty, messy, full of hurt and heartbreak and uncertainty just like yours does. There's no escaping it, life is hard and beautiful. It seems that we can't have one without the other. The hard stuff makes the beauty dazzle all the more brightly. I'm not sure if my inconsistent once-and-a-while blogging is just for my own sake but here's the thing - sometimes I just need to take stock and remember the bright spots. I just need to savour the sweet stuff. Thanks for entering my world and letting me share. Hope you enjoyed your extra day in the month of February and happy March! We're one step closer to my favourite season - Spring - although  my kids are crossing their fingers for a snow day tomorrow!

Favourite week.

Christmas was busy and crazy and exhausting and now it's the week leading up to the new year is completely different. It's late nights and sleeping in. It's eating leftovers and Christmas cookies and too much chocolate. It's pjs and coffee and baileys before bed. It's watching movies and de-cluttering the house. It's taking down the tree and dreaming about the new year.

It's my favourite week of the year. 

It's also a time of reflection. What went well this year? What am I grateful for? What were some of the themes in my life over 2015? What do I want to bring with me into 2016 and what do I need to let go of and leave in 2015? What do I want to be different in 2016? What are my hopes and dreams and goals for 2016? Who are the people I need to surround myself in order to help shape 2016 - people who will sharpen me and shape me and make me better? What word or words sum up the kind of year I would love 2016 to be? What fears and discomforts do I want to lean into? It's a time to dream big dreams and pray new prayers.

I love these kind of questions. They energize me.

I think what I love most about a new year is the freshness of it all. A chance to begin again. A clean slate. An opportunity to write a new story, a new script. It's full of hope and possibility.

This week reminds me that life is a gift. I think of Mary Oliver's words, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” 

If you're into this kind of stuff like I am, here are some fun links you can check out.

My sister Lauren bought me a five year journal for my birthday earlier this month and I love it. It's a lovely cloth bound journal. Each page has five spaces for the same date over five years, so you can look back and read about what happened on that same date one year ago, two years ago and so on. You can write a few sentences about what you did that day, what you learned that day, what you're grateful for, a quote that spoke to you or whatever you want. http://www.amazon.ca/5-Year-Diary-Black-Cover/dp/0977648133/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451415420&sr=8-1&keywords=five+year+diary

This cloth bound devotional book feels great to hold and its content reads like a breath of fresh air. It's about savouring life and beauty and family and frienships. It's about living abundantly. Shauna's writing reads like you're having coffee with an old friend. Did I mention that she includes recipes in the book? http://www.amazon.ca/Savor-Shauna-Niequist/dp/0310344972/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451415478&sr=1-1&keywords=shauna+niequist

I like this 2016 printable that Ann Voskamp put on her blog:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/12/this-is-the-year-when-new-year-resolutions-feel-hopeless-you-want-some-soulutions-free-printable/ 

Are you familiar with the idea of choosing a word for a new year? Or perhaps letting the word choose you? Ali Edwards explains that in greater detail here: http://aliedwards.com/projects/one-little-word

I'm leaning toward choosing spaciousness as my word for 2016. We'll see...:)

As always, I love Donald Miller's stuff. Check out this amazing PDF download for free: http://storylineblog.com/2015/12/30/start-life-over-reminder/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Donald%20Miller&utm_content=Start%20Life%20Over,%20Reminder

Lastly, one of my New Years goals is to participate in this free class that Brene Brown is offering on trust. Check it out if you're interested:

://www.courageworks.com/shop/classes/the-anatomy-of-trust

Bring on the new year!

Christmas gratitude.

Here we are. It's December 24th. Christmas is most definitely upon us. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year and sometimes if we're honest, it's stressful and chaotic and emotional too - because life is beautiful and complex and messy all wrapped up with a bow. It's hard to tell where one begins and one ends. Right?

This morning, I took a moment to breathe a little deeper and jot down a few things I'm grateful for. Sometimes I need to just put pen to paper and remind myself of what's true. It does me a world of good.

Here's Eva reading on the front porch just an hour ago. In December. Wild. Hello 13 degrees.

Christmas baking from this past Monday. Hence the shortbread I was eating :)

When we took this family photo, our photographer suggested a spot up the hill from our home where the light was amazing at 6 pm on a Wednesday in October. She said, "let's go chase the light". That's just what we did and I love the photos because of the light streaming in.  Within moments of the photos being taken, darkness set in. It was a golden moment indeed.

Lately, that phrase, "let's go chase the light" has come back to me.

I thought of it again today as I read from Isaiah 9 (MSG):

The people who walked in darkness
    have seen a great light.
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows—
    light! sunbursts of light!

For a child has been born—for us!
    the gift of a son—for us!
He’ll take over
    the running of the world.
His names will be: Amazing Counselor,
    Strong God,
Eternal Father,
    Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
    and there’ll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.

As I took a few moments of silence this morning, I said yes to the light. Yes to Jesus, the Christ Child and all that he wants to bring into my life. Yes to wholeness and peace. Yes to grace. My hands and heart are open.

But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.Luke 2:10-11 (NIV)

Out of the blue, I remembered this morning that my Dad's all time favourite Christmas Carol is "Once in Royal David's City". For some reason it touched me and made me feel all childlike and nostalgic. In the spirit of isn't that what Christmas is all about? I'll share it here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NMGMV-fujUY

Merry Christmas friends! May you swim in grace and rest in love. May you chase the light this holiday season xo

Advent.

Here we are in the season of advent. I'm  beyond thrilled with this advent wreath that Steve helped me make. It might just be my favourite gift this year.

I grew up in a faith tradition that celebrated advent. I admit that for so many years I never appreciated it and drifted from the meaning and the liturgy of it all.

In a full circle kind of way, I have found myself longing for and being drawn back to this simple, childlike and yet deep and meaningful ritual.

A few decades later, a little life experience and I totally get it.

Advent is waiting. 

Advent is all about the waiting and the unknown and the in-between. I get it. I live much of my life in this place, so it seems. You probably do too.

I'm not sure what you are waiting on this advent season. What we are waiting for is as individual and as complex as we are. Maybe it's a child to be born, a house to sell or a refugee family arriving from Syria. Maybe it's test results or the restoration of a relationship. We all long for healing and peace in our lives and in the parts of the world most torn up by war and afflicted by injustice. We all ache for wrong to be made right.

When I think about advent, I am reminded and take back to days when I was 9 months pregnant. I think about the waiting. The ache. The anticipation. The weariness. The discomfort. The sleepless nights. The not yet. The almost. The unknown.

Eight days ago our family of five lit the candle of hope. My teens kind of rolled their eyes as teens sometimes do.

As the day grew shorter and the night became darker, the candle burned brighter. Yesterday we lit the candle of peace.

I'm standing with all of you who are in the waiting today, because I too am in the waiting. In some parts of my life, I feel uncertain and uneasy. Not sure of what is next. Facing fear and anxiety head on.

I'm trusting in the message of Christmas. Trusting in the message of Emmanuel. That God is with us - in the waiting and in the darkness. In the not yet. In the unknown. 

This advent season, may we seek and find Emmanuel in the most unexpected places.

May we welcome Him in to the waiting, the unknown and the not-yet. May we find meaning in the mess and beauty rising up from the ashes. 

May we lean in and find Him in the darkness. In the mystery. In the unknown. In the unexpected places and ways that He loves to show up the most.

May His love and grace abound. May His light shine all the brighter in the darkest of nights.

O come O come Emmanuel.